Death to the Avocado

I think it's dead now...

For the newest installment in my cooking experiences, we take on the mighty avocado. It’s tough skin is no match for me! Mwahahahahaha. I’m preparing guacamole for my seven layer dip and I figured it’s got to be easy right? Hahaha… yeah. So easy. My friend (the same awesome one that knows where to find everything in the grocery store) told me to put 2 avocados, some onion and some… herb, but I can’t remember which… in and mush it all up.

Lisa’s Guacamole on the Fly

Taste –  Not horrible! Surprisingly, I actually kind of like it.

Preparation score – one nearly shattered glass out of two

Overall Outcome – I’m glad I have something green to serve on St. Patty’s Day

The Recipe

With my new found confidence for cooking… or at least mixing things together that sort of taste ok… I decided that it was ok if I didn’t have everything that the recipe I found on the internet called for. “Self,” thought I, “you can make this up on the fly. I have faith in you… besides, you don’t really need everything it says, right? That’s just a suggestion.” That may or may not have been me lying to myself.

Here’s the recipe I implemented:

2 avocados, sans pit & skin.. basically just the avocado innards

1/2 a small onion

1 clover of garlic

1/2 teaspoon of salt

couple dashes or seven of chili powder

bunch of drops of lemon juice

Throw it all into a “food processor” et voila, guacamole.

Now for the truth… I’m fairly certain the above recipe isn’t right. Probably should’ve gone out and bought tomatoes like the recipe I’d found called for. But I didn’t and the guacamole tastes like onions and salt. Is that what it’s supposed to taste like? I’m not entirely certain, since I can’t remember having guacamole.

The Pit

The start of my experience went well. The avocado skin wasn’t so tough, and the insides are just mush, so my knife went right through it like it would through butter.

Oh wait, uh. Crap. My knife. It’s stuck. What the?

That, my friends, is the venus knife trap. It eats knives for breakfast. Consider yourselves warned.

Nice little tip to people like me… Avocado’s have these MONSTER pits that trap knives. They tempt the poor knife with the soft, mushy insides and the easily sliced skin, then BAM.

Munch munch munch.

The knife is forever embedded in the solid core of the avocado.

Good luck getting that thing off. I honestly couldn’t. I was very tempted to leave the poor thing to its fate and attack the next avocado wiser for it. But I persisted.

That slippery little bugger popped off eventually – then proceeded to fly across my kitchen, ricochet off my wall and collide with the dishes in my dishrack. Don’t worry, no dishes were harmed in the maiming of this avocado…. but the avocados sure didn’t make it out alive!

The Mush my Blender Can’t Handle

I take back my earlier comment about loving blenders. This blender can’t even mush up something that’s ALREADY mush! Frustration ensues.

10 minutes later – I’m mixing with a spoon. Should’ve bought a food processor.

1 minute later – I think the blender heard me, because now it’s working just fine. Note to self… when an inanimate object does work, threaten to replace it with its cousin.

The Rest of the Story

All the ingredients went into the blender, were mixed really well & then tasted. As I mention above, I tasted salt and onion. I’m pretty sure that’s because I used half of a medium sized onion instead of a small one AND that because my measuring spoon that’s labeled “1/2” a teaspoon is really the full teaspoon in disguise. I swear that thing is monsterous!

Thank goodness the taste of this will be masked by six other layers in my seven layer dip.

This is guacamole. Bow to the amazing culinary skills that are mine. Bow I say. Ok, don't bow...

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